remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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