what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
