that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
