Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
