i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
