I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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