she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
