I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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