I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
