I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
