dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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