I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
