take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
