i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
