i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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