Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
