She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
