I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
