I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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