I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
