It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
