Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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