Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
