What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
