So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
