FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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