we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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