just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Girls should come with a carfax report
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
