I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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