hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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