I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
