im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
