I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
All the doctor said was why
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
