im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
