If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
