I think I won the penis lottery.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
