My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
