So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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