Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
