let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
