We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
