so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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