so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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