life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
