I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
