i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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