After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
