I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You took a bar mat shot.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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