Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
