when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
