My first STD was from a foam party
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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