my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
we're so committed to being not committed
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
