tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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