I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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