at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
