I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
